i peel away scabs soon as they form

I peel away scabs soon as they form

watching the blood bead and fall

pouring over the letters I still can’t make them out
of course this is about me
of course I don’t run his show
and fuck you for saying so
aren’t you tired of lashing out
stings and burns
blisters and scars
I miss what hurts me most
It’s so fucked
and it’s no mystery to me
the less I talk, the more I think
the more I miss
the more I dream of reconciliation
and memories of sunsets
(thank god for distractions)
she’s under my skin
I allowed it years ago
now she shakes my confidence
precipitates doubt and questioning
what motivation had I for any of it
what’s my motivation now
so scared of what comes next
that I’ve handled it wrong
been scared before, but not of change
things did get easier
after I took control
removed myself from equations
walked away from love
tootheache has now replaced pebbles in my shoe
nobody has won

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